Like you, I have battled with my weight and my confidence. Growing up, I came from a pretty affluent family. As children we had everything we longed for with the exception of a stable family. Unfortunately, my Mum was battling some very serious demons of her own and lost her fight to alcohol addiction when I was just 16.
She was violent, abusive and put me down constantly. In the final days before she died, the last interaction I had with her was her punching me in the stomach and telling me I was fat. Those were the very last words I heard from someone who was supposed to love me more than anything in the world and they have continued to ring in my ears ever since.
As you can imagine, this was pretty soul destroying for a young girl of 16 who was still growing up, trying to figure out her identity and find her place in the world. My sense of loss and abandonment only increased when my father moved out 3 months later. Leaving my brother and I to just get on with it. Was I really that unlovable that no one could stick around?
Over the years I got more and more depressed, my confidence was completely crushed and I used food to control my emotions, to the point where I had a borderline eating disorder. I was completely broken and I had seriously contemplated suicide on more than one occasion.
It wasn’t until I found exercise that I actually started to feel better, I found something that I was finally good at, it was escapism, but the good kind! I started by jogging just 10 minutes a day. I felt so much better afterwards and I noticed that during I wasn’t feeling or thinking negatively it was almost like the sadness didn’t exist anymore.
That was 15 years ago. Fast forward to today and I am the fittest, strongest and happiest I have ever been. I have been at the lowest of the low and I have clawed my way back from nothing. Feeling like I was no-one to actually being someone, and now I want to share my expereince to help other women understand that no matter how hard it gets, it can always get better. No matter how much you think you can’t you CAN.
After all, you only fail, when you give up trying.
If I had given up, I wouldn’t be here today, delivering this message.